Sunday, December 12, 2010

Christmas Tree?

As I am writing this, G and R are setting up their tree. I'm slightly detached from what is currently going on. Why? Well, let me tell you. It's all of THEIR stuff. I have none of mine here and it's his house. Yes, we are back to this. Perhaps I'm being overly emotional about this, but I'm annoyed. Even more so because they won't even be here for Christmas.

Bottom line? Christmas will never be easy for me. It never gets easier without my dad here. I want to do all the traditions that we used to do with him. Like on Christmas Eve we would go to church for the night service, on the drive home we would go very slowly throughout the neighborhood looking at all the Christmas lights.  Then when we got home my dad would read all the Christmas stories to us while we ate cookies. I miss him so much.  Not a minute goes by where I don't think about him and how much I miss him.  I know he's looking down at me and with me in spirit, but it's truly not the same. I slightly dread Christmas. Yeah, I said it.

On a side note to JHRME: I've had "nightmares" before too. They are awful. Mine usually consist of being so real that I wake up thinking he's still around. It's horrible. Luckily, they don't happen too often, but I know what you feel like.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


I found the best cure for me to start feeling better and to stop dying: Walk three miles, going to see Joshua Radin in Denver, and getting a new doggy.  The week of Thanksgiving I felt a lot better. Even now I feel back to myself. I hope it stays like this for a while, at least.
Here is Joshua Radin, Rena, me, and Amy. We met him, he signed a shirt and a CD, and I hugged him. Hee hee.

Thanksgiving was fantastic. Rob, the doggy, and I went up to Denver to spend time with my family. It was my first holiday with no meat and I can honestly say that I didn't miss it. Yay! I'm quite proud of myself.  Next challenge: Christmas.

I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately.  I mean, I always think about him but it's been more lately.  Stupid holidays. I found a t-shirt of mine last time I was at the parents that was from the 1995 Women's Open at the Broadmoor that my papa (dad) took me too. I'm determined to go to the one this year and get another shirt.  It made me so happy and then I remembered him taking me. That was our thing that we used to do; go to golf tournaments and eat lemonade shaved ice. I wish he was here to take me this year.

Anyways, I just wanted to check in. I'm alive, finally. :)