As I am writing this, G and R are setting up their tree. I'm slightly detached from what is currently going on. Why? Well, let me tell you. It's all of THEIR stuff. I have none of mine here and it's his house. Yes, we are back to this. Perhaps I'm being overly emotional about this, but I'm annoyed. Even more so because they won't even be here for Christmas.
Bottom line? Christmas will never be easy for me. It never gets easier without my dad here. I want to do all the traditions that we used to do with him. Like on Christmas Eve we would go to church for the night service, on the drive home we would go very slowly throughout the neighborhood looking at all the Christmas lights. Then when we got home my dad would read all the Christmas stories to us while we ate cookies. I miss him so much. Not a minute goes by where I don't think about him and how much I miss him. I know he's looking down at me and with me in spirit, but it's truly not the same. I slightly dread Christmas. Yeah, I said it.
On a side note to JHRME: I've had "nightmares" before too. They are awful. Mine usually consist of being so real that I wake up thinking he's still around. It's horrible. Luckily, they don't happen too often, but I know what you feel like.